A Gift I’m Finally Brave Enough to Ask For

December has never felt like carols and candy-canes to me. It’s the month that wrapped my birthday in hospital fluorescents and where it took my Dad’s last breath the same day I blew out my candles. Ever since, I’ve treated the 24-hour orbit around my birthday like a ghost city, there’s been lights off, phone on airplane mode, curtains drawn. Friends learned not to expect replies. Family knew I’d surface after the 31st, eyes puffy but still functioning.

This year, I tried something different. Instead of disappearing, I built a distraction loud enough to drown the silence: a brand-new single called, Father Christmas. It’s not a carol, and it’s definitely romantically sentimental. Think off-beat sleigh bells over a Reggae-dub riddim, me half-singing/half-chanting about a holiday not-celebrated by tradition and unexpected wish-lists that never arrives.

I wrote the hook the November night I couldn’t sleep, the fireplace flickering like a bad horror filter, remembering how my Dad used to sign my ‘report card’ with every gift tag, “From: Santa to the future Dr. Green” even when I was twenty-five years old and knew the handwriting. This track made me laugh in the booth, my first November laugh in years—so I kept building on it until it felt like a door I could actually open.

I’m releasing “Father Christmas” December 22 at midnight on every platform that will have it. And here’s the part that feels scarier than writing the actual song: I’m asking for something. Normally I’d tell you “stream if you like, no pressure.” But birthdays stop feeling cute after you’ve outlived a parent. So I’m trading the usual cryptic Instagram quote for plain English.

If you’ve ever wanted to give me a birthday gift, here's your chance to stream or download “Father Christmas.”  

Add it to your holiday playlist, your gym mix, your “I hate December” private soundtrack, whatever keeps it on repeat. Every play registers as a tiny heartbeat that says, “You’re still here. Keep making noise.” Amazon, YouTube, Audiomack, Spotify, Apple, Tidal, even the iTunes purchase; every cent goes back into the next session, the next distraction, the next reason to leave the curtains open and even a contribution to my Hurricane Melissa initiative.

If music isn’t your thing, that’s ok! Send a text to someone you haven’t checked on since last December. Tell them you’re glad they’re breathing. That counts as a gift to me too.

I’ll be online and offline til the remainder of the season; why not? old habits die hard—but I promise that I’ll surface to read every screenshot, every DM, every notification that proves we turned a day I usually survive, into a day we celebrate. My Dad would’ve gotten a kick out of me using his “Christmas sentiments,” alias for a bass-heavy oddity. I like to think he’s somewhere shaking his head, smiling and saying, “You finally figured out how to move on, grasshopper.”

Thank you for listening, for reading, and for giving me a reason to open the door this year. 

–––  
Stream/Buy “Father Christmas”  
Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, Tidal, Audiomack, YouTube and more.